I Got Hit By a Car
by Kitsune Kitten
Summary: [Complete]OOC. Tired of boring old Ryou-gets-hit-by-a-car-angst fics? Now enjoy a spoof that has it all. Ryou being beaten. Bakura not caring. Ryou running out. Ryou getting hit by a car. Bakura starting to care.
1. It Hurts?

YKB: We came up with this randomly, but we think it would be fun to write.   
  
KB: You see... we've read a bunch of fics where Bakura abuses Ryou, Ryou runs out, blinded by sadness he is tragically hit by a car, and then Bakura starts to care about Ryou... some yaoi; some non.  
  
YKB: We would like to dedicate this to Kesiah who wrote 'Just Another Fic' which has inspired this story.   
  
KB: My evil plan to steal Yu-Gi-Oh! has not been sucessful so I do not own it ....YET.  
  
I Got Hit By A Car   
  
Chapter One   
  
It ... Hurts?   
  
Normal POV   
  
It was just another day. The sky was blue, school was out, and other happy junk. Some had gotten jobs and were toddling off at this early summer hour of nine. Some were still sleeping... okay, lots were still sleeping. Some were making plans to meet friends, some were already with friends. And some, one or two actually, we're at home with their evil yami.  
  
One case of this we shall examine in the course of a play spoofing angsty-Ryou-gets-hit-with-a-car-fics.   
  
Ryou POV   
  
I cannot believe I am doing this. Why, oh, why am I in so many angst fics? Some aren't even angsty; they're just stupid wastes of time.   
  
Okay, here goes. My name is Ryou. I am in my house, making breakfast for my yami. I call my yami Bakura.   
  
Bakura was asleep but he would wake up on his cue. Believe me, Kitsune Baka will make him.   
  
Anyhow, I'm making bacon and eggs. I have water going for tea. Most likely Bakura will hate it all and scream and beat me. It's not fair. I mean, I'm a pretty nice person. My life was hard so why did I get an evil yami who wants to send everyone to the Shadow Realm each episode he appears?   
  
Why couldn't I get the nice yami who always saves the world? Wait a second...nice yami? Isn't that an oxymoron? Kuso! The water is boiling. Bakura's gonna wake up to early! I quickly get the water off the stove.   
  
"RYOU! WHY AM I AWAKE BEFORE BREAKFAST IS READY?" Bakura yelled, thundering down the stairs.   
  
"Gomen nasai," I apologized, quivering with fear.   
  
"Hey, you can't be scared yet," Bakura said, "the beating isn't till after I tell you what a sucky job you did on the...whatever your cooking."   
  
"Thanks. It's good to know my efforts are really appreciated. You know, you could once in a while get off your fat a-"  
  
"Ryou, the white stuff is burning," Bakura pointed out.   
  
Aw, man. I was just about to launch into a unappreciated housewife speech too. Sigh.   
  
I moved the pan off the hot burner and started spooning them on to two plates. I then got the bacon onto the plates. I moved them into the dining room.   
  
Why do we even have a dining room? It's just me and Bakura. Half the time he eats in the living room for God's sake. Why in the world is my life a pitiful mess?   
  
We started eating after I poured out tea. I glared at Bakura the entire meal. He begin eating rapidly so as to avoid me killing him.   
  
Bakura POV  
  
Ryou is not only out of character but entirely off the script. But man does he look pissed so we'll just avoid using the script. That works. I was supposed scream it was a terrible meal. But it was really good.   
  
Now he's glaring at me and it's ... kinda scary. Okay, very scary.   
  
"Um...Ryou?" I dared.   
  
"WHAT?" he yelled.   
  
"ER, never mind," I said. Asking if he had PMS could get me killed right about now. "Are you done? It was a wonderful meal but it's time for the beating scene and I don't want to miss my soaps."   
  
"Your soaps? Your soaps are more important than the beating scene? Why don't you just get it over with then? I wouldn't want to intefere with your sissy chick soaps!"   
  
"THEY ARE NOT SISSY! YOU ARE YOU WIMPY HIKARI! I MUST BEAT YOU !"   
  
"Oh no," Ryou moaned monotonously. "Not that."   
  
"PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT!" I said, grabbing him by his shirt front.   
  
"OH, No! My yami is about to beat me!" He cried into my face.   
  
"OH MY RA! I am missing my soaps! Ryou just run into the wall once or twice and you'll be hurt enough to run out dramatically."   
  
Ryou POV   
  
Bakura was skipping out on the fight scene? What the hell? Well, to keep the plot good I'll just write in a fight scene? Okay?   
  
Fight Scene in Normal POV   
  
Bakura grabbed the front of Ryou's shirt.   
  
"You piece of dirt!" He said, slamming his fist into his hikari's face.   
  
"Please, please leave me alone!" Ryou muttered.   
  
"Damn it! I hate you. I can't even look at you!" Bakura said, slamming the poor hikari into the wall and storming out.   
  
The hikari was slumped against the wall unconscious.   
  
End Fight Scene  
  
Ryou POV   
  
Glad we didn't act that bit out. Not like Bakura would care. I hate him. That's it I oughta leave to make him appreciate me and not just his stupid soaps.   
  
I went to the living room to find Bakura on the couch watching 'The Days of Our Afterlife' which was his Egyptian soap.   
  
"I'm leaving and I'm never coming back!" I told him loudly.   
  
"Be back to make me supper. I'll just eat the neighbor's cat for lunch."   
  
Now I'm vaguely concerned.   
  
"Bakura, don't eat the neighbor's cat."   
  
"Why?"   
  
"He's a living creature."   
  
"No he is isn't. We killed her yesterday."   
  
"We as in..."   
  
"Me, Marik and Malik," Bakura said, eyes still glued to the TV.   
  
"Wait, I'm supposed to be storming out dramatically! Good-bye Bakura, I'll never see you again." I wailed, now sobbing. I ran out the door and slammed it. Bakura didn't even care. I wish I would just die.   
  
As I ran into the park, I crossed Main Street. But I never saw the car coming.   
  
Well, technically I did. After all, I knew I was hit by the car. I have to be unconscious now so... Yeah, that's the end of the chapter.   
  
TO BE CONTINUED...   
  
No hikaris were hurt in the making of this fic.   
  
YKB: Five reviews to continue. 


	2. I GOT HIT BY A CAR!

YKB: This is something that I like to do when I'm bored so it might...   
  
KB: Suck?   
  
YKB: Yes. It just might. Hopefully, it won't but just go with it. Don't own it. Are any lawyers that are reading this satisfied?   
  
KB: Lawyers are dumba-  
  
YKB: On to the next chapter.   
  
I Got Hit By a Car  
  
Chapter Two   
  
I GOT HIT BY A CAR!   
  
Bakura POV  
  
I love 'The Days of Our Afterlife.' It's my favorite soap. Hm, Ryou just left forever. Maybe I should be concerned. Um... HEY! Cleo is cheating on the dead pharoah with his sister! OH MY RA! Cleo is bi!   
  
"Cleo how could you?" I scream. Ra, she's being cheated. The pharoah is now cheating on Cleo with his sister. Oh my Ra.   
  
Ryou tells me I need a life outside soap operas. What does he mean?   
  
There is a knock on the door.   
  
"IT'S OPEN!" I yell.   
  
"Bakura! Let me in. It's Malik and Marik!" I hear Malik scream.   
  
"YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR A COMMERCIAL!" I screamed back. Too bad they had just returned from the commercial break.   
  
"OH MY RA! I'M MISSING 'THE DAYS OF OUR AFTERLIFE!' " I hear Malik yell.   
  
There was a great crashing noise as the door burst into pieces. Um, yeah, Ryou will have to fix that. Oh that's right...he's never coming back. Hmmmmm.... am I concerned yet? No.   
  
"So what's going on?" Malik asked.   
  
"Cleo is cheating with Alexandria who is cheating on Cleo with the Pharaoh Adrian who is the one Cleo was originally cheating on." I explained.  
  
"Oh, love triangle. Soap operas and their love shapes." Malik said, gluing himself to the TV.   
  
"I can't stand this soap. I prefer the soap 'All my Mummies.' More destructive." Marik commented.  
  
"Then go play with the chainsaw." I suggested. "We need to cut up the cat anyway."   
  
"Can't I use the blender?" Marik asked.   
  
"Use Frappe," Malik instructed.   
  
Then, for the rest of the hour we sat and watched the Egyptian soap opera. Then, there was Jeopardy until 'All My Mummies' was on.   
  
"So Malik, why are you here?" I asked over the noise of the blender.   
  
"Um...well, something was terribly wrong. ....I think it had to do with Ryou."   
  
"Oh, he left forever today. Probably grocery shopping."   
  
"You ought to treat the boy better. He's had a rough life. For example, today he got hit by a car--"   
  
"HE GOT HIT BY A CAR?!" I screamed.   
  
"That's what I wanted to tell you but the soap--"   
  
"Since when is a soap more important than my hikari?"   
  
"Early on in chapter one. You skipped out on the fight scene, ne?"   
  
"Oh, man, hey 'All My Mummies' is on. And they're gonna embalm someone alive!" I shouted.   
  
So, all three of us forgot Ryou once more to watch another Egyptian soap. What? Don't look at me so funny.   
  
Ryou POV  
  
I have developed an eye twitch. I now have two broken legs but I'm fine otherwise. Has Bakura come to see me? No. He's probably at home engrossed in.... what time is it? 12:00. He's engrossed in 'All My Mummies.' He's probably watching with the Ishtars.   
  
There was a knock on the door. So Bakura does have a conscience!   
  
"Come in!" I called happily.   
  
"Hey, Ryou," said Yugi coming in. It had to be Yugi because 1) I couldn't actually see him, only the door moving and 2)there was a second voice so Yami was with him.   
  
Uh, oh. That meant if Yugi came...Joey had to be with him. If Joey came, Serenity came. If Serenity came...Tristan and Duke came. If they came the friendship apricot had to invite herself.   
  
Sure enough...Joey, Serenity, Tristan, Duke, and it came in.   
  
"Friendly friends visit other friendly friends with other friendly friends who are visiting friendly friends in a friendly hospital with friendly nurses who are friends with the friendly doctors and--"   
  
"Thank you, Tea," I muttered. Gag! Why did she come?   
  
"Hey, didn't Bakura come to visit?" asked Joey.   
  
That was ever So TACTFUL.   
  
"NO, he hasn't, as a matter of fact," I said, death glaring Joey.   
  
"That's not very friendly," Tea said.   
  
Neither is the way I'm going to kill you. I just managed a smile.   
  
"So, do you need anything?" Yugi asked.   
  
Uh, a shotgun? Guillotine? Bow and Arrow? A really big rock? Dynamite? My Millennium Ring?   
  
"Oh, nothing," I said.   
  
"Are you sure? We, as in us friendly friends--"   
  
"Aspirin. I NEED Aspirin. Tea go get out, uh, it."   
  
Oh, man I am so grumpy. Why won't they just leave me alone? And why hasn't Bakura come? I GOT HIT BY A FREAKIN' CAR!   
  
"Ryou...are you okay? You look like you want to strangle Tea," Yugi said.   
  
"Who doesn't? Friends this, friends that... in her one sentence before she was cut off she said a word derivative of friend twelve times. TWELVE!"   
  
"Twelve what?" asked Tea, handing me the aspirin.   
  
"Thank you," I forced out. Note to self: Put Joey on my Christmas card list. "No offense, but I need rest so if you could visit another day..."   
  
"Gotcha," Joey said. "Everybody out. Tea you first, after all remembah the rules of etiquette, Things with no defined gender first."   
  
"Okay," she giggled bounding out.   
  
"Oh my Ra," I breathed. "She's a dumba-"   
  
"See you later," said the rest as they trooped out.   
  
"Hey Joey!" I called out.   
  
He ducked his head back in.   
  
"Things with no defined gender first?" I asked.   
  
"Would you want her BEHIND you?" Joey asked.   
  
"Joey, come on," Serenity the wimp called.   
  
I sighed and leaned back on the bed. Why hadn't Bakura come?   
  
Bakura POV   
  
So that's what a sheep's intestines look like. Yes, I do enjoy 'All My Mummies."  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...   
  
YKB: Um, that was gruesome.   
  
KB: Things with no defined gender. Basically that would be Tea.   
  
YKB: The one and only.   
  
KB: Hallejulah! 


	3. I Want My Yami

YKB: Whoa, I Got Hit By A Car was a success! 6 reviews in less than 24 hours! Wheeee!   
  
KB: If Yu-Gi-Oh! Were ours, we'd send lawyers to the Shadow Realm to avoid Disclaimers.   
  
YKB: The title is indeed a pun, I think.   
  
//thought// = Ryou thinking to Bakura   
  
\\thought\\ = Bakura thinking to Ryou   
  
--thought-- = Malik's thoughts in someone else's head  
  
I Got Hit By a Car  
  
Chapter 3  
  
I Want My Yami  
  
Bakura POV  
  
Now, after two hour-long episodes of 'All My Mummies' and many tormented animals later, there was this nagging feeling like I had forgotten something or someone....  
  
"Hey, Malik, why did you come over today?" I asked.  
  
"Um, let's see.... Oh, yeah! Ryou got hit by a car and the cable was out so I needed to watch the soaps!" Malik said, who was sitting upside down on the couch.  
  
"AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?" Marik demanded.   
  
"My hikari got HIT BY A CAR!" I screamed. "Isn't THAT MORE IMPORTANT?"   
  
"Um...depends.... Do hospitals have TV and Cable?" Malik asked, poking Marik's knee.   
  
"Don't poke me." Marik said.   
  
"Yeah. But that's not the point. He's hurt; he'll need... Malik, what's the word for when you do something for someone because they can't do it themselves? Like seeing an old lady with a crutch and letting her lean on your shoulder like Ryou did before I sent the crutch to the Shadow Realm?" I asked, pacing in front of them.  
  
"Uh, help?" Malik asked, poking Marik's rib.  
  
"Don't poke me," Marik stated.   
  
"Yeah, and that will require me to be something other than evil. What's that again?" I asked.   
  
"Um, being nice?" Malik asked, poking Marik's forehead.  
  
"Poke me again and I'll shove the Millennium Rod up-" Marik threatened.   
  
"Luckily, you guys are gonna be here too," I said.   
  
"Only till the cable's back. And besides, Ryou's your hikari. Not mine or Marik's," Malik said, now poking me when I passed.   
  
"Um.... You can't stay unless you hilp me," I said, trying out that new word.   
  
"It's 'help' dear," Malik corrected, and as I walked by he poked me.   
  
"Uh, so what do we do now?" asked Marik.   
  
"Um, I dunno. Malik?" I asked, poke. Guess who.   
  
"We go to the hospital. I think. I mean, Ryou will probably want to see you and then there will be a dramatic scene that will end in yaoi."   
  
"Oh, that's nick," I said, using the other new word.   
  
"It's nice, dear," Malik corrected, poke.   
  
"What's with the dear stuff?" I asked.   
  
"Uh... I know. Bakura, I really am in love with you." Malik said. "And now before you meet Ryou I'm gonna seduce you."   
  
"Um, that's not in the script!" Kitsune Baka shouts running onstage.   
  
"Shut up, you," Marik said, pointing the Millennium Rod at her. "Go on. It was just getting good."   
  
"Er, where was I? Oh, yes, a dramatic speech in which I attempt to woo you." Malik grinned evilly.   
  
"Urm, if we know that Ryou and I are gonna have our own little scene, then why are you even bothering?" I asked.   
  
"Plot complications, duh. Anyway, let's add some dramatic flair." Malik said, taking the Rod from Marik and waving it. The room was dimmed and now lit by a few red candles. The curtains were closed and Malik pushed me onto a black leather chair. Uh, this can't be good.   
  
Ryou POV  
  
I'M GONNA KILL HIM! Here I am, sitting in the hospital, awaiting him for a big dramatic scene. And where is he? I don't know. Hey, we have a mind link. Yeah, I couldn't think due to trauma to my head during the car. (A/N: In other words, he was too stupid to think of it but we'll just play along.)   
  
//Bakura?//   
  
\\Ryou? Oh thank, Ra. Malik's having a moment.\\  
  
--Hey, hey. Can I join the party? -   
  
//Malik? What the... are you doing in Bakura's head and our mind link?//  
  
--Ryou, I'm trying to seduce Bakura while you're stuck in the hospital. Nothing personal. He's too cute to let go.- -   
  
\\Ryou, save me.\\  
  
//Fine, I don't want him anyway. He totally prefers his soaps.//   
  
I hate him. I'm closing the mind link. Stupid Bakura. Stupid Malik. I hate them both. No, I don't hate Bakura. In fact, I want my yami.   
  
Hm, I'll have to sneak out. Kuso. Wait, I know. I'll just ask Bakura. He was a for-  
  
Wait, I can't just go back. Bakura chose soap operas over me. I can't go back. Still...  
  
I WANT MY YAMI!   
  
TO BE CONTINUED...   
  
KB: drool... [still in daze from encounter with the Millennium rod.]   
  
YKB: How did Marik and Malik take the story from my control?   
  
KB: drool...   
  
YKB: Er, I will send them to the Shadow-  
  
Malik: Ha ha ha, you have no control. Mwuhahaha! You will come back. [Points Millennium Rod at viewers.] And you will review. 


	4. Jealousy Always Works

YKB: Back by popular demand. the fourth chapter of I Got Hit By a Car. No yamis and/or hikaris were hurt in the making of this fic.  
  
KB: Also, if you like this fic, try some of my other fics!  
  
I Got Hit By a Car  
  
Chapter Four Jealousy Always Works.  
  
Ryou POV  
  
Okay, now I'm crying. I am so more worth it than Malik. Okay, so maybe I dress like a yuppie, and maybe I am perfect in every way.. Okay, so Malik is almost as good as me. At least I'm sane.  
  
All right, maybe I am slightly obsessed. Only slightly. Okay, completely.  
  
Uh, now I sound like someone on 'As the Nile Flows.' That's Yami's favorite soap. Believe me, I regret ever opting for the soap operas instead of infomercials. They've been obsessed ever since.  
  
Arg! Now my brain hurts. Or is that left over from Tea's visit?  
  
KNOCK! KNOCK!  
  
"Come in," I said, kind as ever.  
  
"Hey, Ryou. It's Joey. Can I talk to you?" Joey asked, sitting on the windowsill. (A/N: They're the best place to sit! Those who have been ever so intelligent made the connection between Price of Pride and this. Have a cookie and a cup of orange soda!)  
  
"Of course, you can. Just sit down and make yourself comfortable. What can I do for you?" I asked, voicing concern.  
  
"Well.you see." Joey began.  
  
"Go on, Joey," I urged him. I really would like to get back to my musings on Bakura.  
  
"There's this person I really like." Joey began.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."  
  
"Tell me it's not Tea!"  
  
"Dat's just wrong!"  
  
"Okay, is it Mai?"  
  
"Nope. It's .a.guy.you see. But I don't think he likes me the same way."  
  
"Oh.then who is it? If it's me.there's someone else.I like."  
  
"Really now? Who?"  
  
"YOU NEVER ANSWERED!"I yelled. I pointed at him with an evil glare I learned from my yami. HINT: Notice the MY.  
  
"It's.."  
  
"Joey, come on, I won't tell anyone."  
  
He mumbled something.  
  
"Sorry, I missed that."  
  
He mumbled a little louder.  
  
"STOP MUMBLING!"  
  
"I HAVE A CRUSH ON SETO KAIBA!" he yelled.  
  
Seto POV  
  
I swear I just heard something outside my window. I got up and closed it again.  
  
Ryou POV  
  
"Jeez, now he probably knows." Joey said.  
  
"OF COURSE, HE DOESN'T KNOW!" I said quickly and loudly. Now he would most likely either a) wish to discuss this in more detail or b)  
  
"So, who do you have a crush on?"  
  
"Well, it's very complicated." I tried to explain.  
  
"If it's Yugi, he's with Yami," Joey stated.  
  
This made me mad, extremely mad. Leap up and kill someone mad.  
  
"I'm in love with Bakura, but he's too busy to notice me and now, as we speak, Malik is making the moves on him."  
  
"Malik? Man, this will probably end up in a huge love shape that ends up being separated with a happy ending."  
  
I had to laugh. Okay, now, I'm crying again.  
  
"Listen, Ryou. We need a plan. And you have the bah-rilliant mind of Joey Wheelah!"  
  
I did the whole, smile with your eyes closed and sweat drop thing.  
  
"Um. let's see." I said. I suddenly had a good idea. "Maybe Seto already likes you and you haven't noticed."  
  
"I haven't?" He asked, eyes going wide.  
  
"MAYBE, but think some more. What is a very powerful emotion?" I asked.  
  
"Um.HUNGER?" Joey asked.  
  
"A bit off there, let's see. How would you feel if Seto were to come in right now, arm in arm with.uh. Duke?" I decided. He was good-looking.  
  
"HE'S CHEATING ON MY SISTER!" Joey cried.  
  
"NO, no, no. I meant what if? IF. So let's say instead, Seto walks in arm- in-arm with Mai. How would you feel?" I asked, a little apprehensively.  
  
"Um. does KILL MAI BRUTALLY good enough?" Joey asked, glaring daggers. This was getting scary.  
  
"Er, yeah. In other words, you're jealous."  
  
"You got THAT right, Ryou," Joey replied.  
  
"So, what if we used that to our advantage?" I asked. I am 'bah-rilliant.'  
  
"Okay, stop thinking with my quote," Joey said.  
  
"Hey, this is my POV; you can't hear my thoughts." I cried.  
  
"Okay, fine." Joey agreed, pouting.  
  
"Okay, so here's what we do. We both have to act, stress the word ACT, like we're a couple. Especially, around Seto and Bakura."  
  
"Yeah, jealousy always works."  
  
"Um, hm," I agreed.  
  
"Yeah, so, I'll see you later then." Joey said.  
  
"Wait! You have to play the part. Come on. This is a spoof. Play it up a bit. And take me home. You still have that Virtual Truck? It can be our getaway mobile."  
  
"Play it up. Okay, I can do this."  
  
Joey stood and shook his head for a second. I raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Ryou, I can't stand another minute without you! Let me rescue you from this cursed hospital!" Joey said.  
  
"Er.okay, maybe that's laying it on too- "  
  
"Shut up! I'm busy here! And so. my little Ryou. let's us escape and profess our 'love' elsewhere."  
  
He kissed me. Okay, Kitsune Baka. this plot has gotten.. Wait, why are KB and YKB tied up and Marik is sitting in the director's chair?  
  
"GET A ROOM!" He shouted.  
  
I flipped him off with a free hand. Okay, I can't breathe. I pushed Joey away.  
  
"I. can't. breathe." I gasped.  
  
"This is quite interesting." Marik said, then cackled insanely.  
  
"Er, change POV's," I said.  
  
Bakura POV  
  
Okay, this is. odd. Malik is sitting on my lap.  
  
"Now that your hikari is nice and jealous." he purred.  
  
"Um.could you get off me? I just sat for three hours and now I have to use the little yami's room," I said.  
  
"Now how do I know you aren't lying?" Malik asked.  
  
"YOU READ MINDS!" I shouted.  
  
"Way to ruin the mood, 'Kura." Malik pouted.  
  
I pushed him off and went to the bathroom.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.  
  
YKB: Uh, oh. Marik's in control.  
  
KB: Yeah. This could get .  
  
Marik: Hey, be quiet. I'm in control now. And I use my Millennium Rod to make sure you guys review.  
  
To Grave robber--- : You're Jedi Mind Tricks only work on the 'weak- minded.'  
  
YKB: That means you KB.  
  
KB: That was mean.  
  
To NerdAnel the Wise: Please NEVER, EVER talk like Tea unless you're making fun of it. You have my insanity to consider.  
  
To Hioga-chan: Thank you, my sidekick. Oh, and see my response to Grave Robber--- about Jedi mind Tricks. And the Force will never overcome the Shadow Realm.  
  
To My other Reviewers: Forgive me. I forgot your names. Hence the baka. Review and I promise to give you a shout-out.  
  
=^-^=  
  
)?( YOU WILL REVIEW! 


	5. Until it Either Backfires

YKB: We're just plowing along. Chapter five in what? Four days!   
  
KB: If we owned Yu-Gi-Oh! Ryou wouldn't dress like a yuppie!   
  
Ryou: I don't dress like a yuppie.   
  
KB: And I'm a guy.   
  
Ryou: But...you aren't!   
  
Marik: On with the play show fic thingy!   
  
I Got Hit By a Car   
  
Chapter Five  
  
Till It Either Backfires...   
  
Ryou's POV   
  
"So, Joey, what we need is plan." I said.  
  
"Yeah, like we should go to your house and do some snogging right in front of the dude." Joey suggested.   
  
"Yeah, that'll work." I said, "We'll have to be discreet."   
  
"About what?" said Bakura barging in, trailing Malik who was clinging to his leg.   
  
"This," Joey said, giving me a nice long kiss.   
  
I heard Bakura's jaw hit the floor and Malik cheer.   
  
"I see you're healing fine." Said Bakura, voice dripping with sarcasm.   
  
"I guess, it would be nicer... if YOU CAME A LITTLE EARLIER! I GOT HERE OVER FIVE HOURS AGO!" I yelled in his face after pulling from away from Joey.   
  
KNOCK, KNOCK!   
  
"Who wants what now?!" I screamed.   
  
Seto poked his head in. Kuso. What the heck?   
  
"Malik, Bakura, Ryou, Joey," he said. "Mokuba's missing; did he come here?"   
  
"Not yet, but most likely he'll show up. So do you want to come in?" I invited, doing the cute smiley thing I do.   
  
"If you don't mind," he said. He came in and sat by Joey on the windowsill.   
  
"So, could you describe in vivid detail what happened? Was it painful?" Malik asked.   
  
"Actually, it was kinda ticklish being HIT BY A CAR! WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING?"   
  
"Weed, quite nice, huh?" He replied happily.   
  
He knows where I live. I'm sleeping with a bat from now on. Or with Bakura. Yummy!   
  
"Argh! Get off my leg! Marik get your leech off my leg!" Bakura was yelling.   
  
"I don't know . . . it seems to bother you," Marik deliberated.   
  
"Er, Ryou, I have to talk to you . . . in private," Seto announced.   
  
"Hey, I'll go find gifts to shower you with that seem caring but are really, really cheap!" Joey announced. "And I'll look for the small Kaiba."   
  
He left quickly then ran back in, kissed me right in front of Kaiba. Oh yes, very discreet.   
  
"I'm leaving, 'General Pyramid' is on soon," Bakura said. "Hey, I'll... um... I want to do something that's not evil. What's that called again? Knife?"   
  
"Uh, nice?" I asked, seriously worried.   
  
"That's the ticket. I'm gonna do something nice for someone other than myself. That person being Ryou." Bakura said, all smiley.   
  
"Hey, Malik keep the weed away from Bakura next time," I cautioned.   
  
"I didn't ... have any... Malik wouldn't... what's the word? When you let other people use your stuff for free?" Bakura asked.   
  
"Share?" I asked.   
  
"Yes, that one. All right, I have to leave now." Bakura said, trudging out with Malik attached to his arm.   
  
As soon as they were gone, I remembered Seto.   
  
"So, Seto, what can I do for you?" I asked.  
  
"You see I like someone a lot," Seto said.   
  
"Who?" I asked.   
  
He mumbled something.   
  
"Er, sorry, I can't hear you. "  
  
"Yami," he whispered.   
  
"WHAT?!" I cried. Seto wanted Yami who was in a relationship with Yugi! And Joey wanted Seto. Oh, the humanity!  
  
"Yes, I'm gay, but-" Seto started.   
  
"He's with Yugi," I said.   
  
"Not anymore!" Yugi wailed as he trudged in. "He's with Tristan now!"   
  
"Oh my gosh," I said. "This is turning out to be some whacked-up soap opera."   
  
Bakura POV  
  
"Malik, the pharoah's hikari just walked by crying." I pointed out as we left the hospital.   
  
"Ooh, he might be in pain." Malik commented.   
  
Great. I'm stuck with a glomping psycho while having to do nice things. I hate you all.   
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
YKB: Yes, we have finally updated. Thank you to my patient readers. I love you all. 


	6. Or It Just Doesn't Work

KB: Okay, we will update as we quick as we can next time. Sorry Grave Robbers Aman. I did not fall of the face of the planet but I did have a major stress out over all the stuff going down in my life. But--  
  
YKB: WE're fine now so let's hit it off with the next chappie of 'I Got Hit By a Car.'  
  
KB: Wait, thanks to all the reviewers who have reviewed previous chapters. Thanks for the latest reviews GraveRobbers Aman, Kami Beverly, and my thought-helper Hioga-chan.   
  
YKB: We don't own the characters...legally.   
  
KB: Some people may be confused but...  
  
YKB: we have this chapters couples:  
  
Yami & Tristan (Gag!)  
  
Mokuba & Yugi   
  
Ryou & Joey  
  
Malik & Bakura   
  
  
  
I Got Hit By a Car  
  
Chapter Six   
  
Or It Just Doesn't Work  
  
Ryou POV  
  
I ended up getting driven home by Seto. Twelve hours and twenty seven f***ing minutes after getting clearance to leave. Thank Ra, I'm goin' home.   
  
"So, how do I get Yami to notice me?"   
  
I banged my head on the side of the car for a couple of minutes then glared at Seto.  
  
"Maybe, I should do something nice for him?" Seto suggested.   
  
"Do you have a gun?"   
  
"What?! No, I'm not gonna give you a gun! Do you know how many times a CEO gets shot at?"  
  
"I'm not a CEO."   
  
"Still. It's a very large number. What did I do to deserve to die?"  
  
"I'm not killing you."  
  
"I understand the mutt is annoying--"  
  
"Not him. Me. If another person asks me about a stupid relationship--"  
  
"We're here. Is that you, Yugi?"   
  
Seto had stopped the car in front of my home with a Yugi with huge eyes standing there.   
  
"I thought you left the hospital after we did. How are you ON MY LAWN?" I demanded thoroughly confused.   
  
"Um...through the Shadow Realm? Or some...loophole...like that." Yugi explained. Then he began wailing.   
  
"Stupid Yami! Stupid Tristan! I hate, no I REALLY, REALLY HATE them. Backstabbers! Bakas!"   
  
"Yami's with Tristan. It will make this pretty interesting." Seto commented.   
  
"Uh, let's go inside. I don't want Yugi to flood the lawn."  
  
"So, he should flood your house?" Seto said.   
  
"Why me? What did I do to DESERVE THIS?!" I screamed, banging my head against the car loudly and, might I add, painfully.  
  
"Maybe the car accident has gotten to your head." Seto said, sceptical of any sanity I might have.   
  
"Let's...sniff...get him inside...sob, wail," Yugi cried.   
  
The two helped me in. Great, now I have an eye twitch. Maybe I should move to Minnesota with Bakura and change my name to something very American like Juan or Jose.   
  
(A/N: I had to make fun of the fact that of all the names I've seen on the American Yu-Gi-Oh! show have kinda gone to being American. Except Yugi but that's kinda ... necessary. But the ENGLISH TRANSFER STUDENT IS NAMED RYOU BAKURA. Sounds REALLY English to me.)  
  
I sat on the couch between Yugi and Seto. (A/N: Yummy bishies all lined up.)   
  
"Okay, let's see. Seto you want Yami because...?" I wondered.   
  
"Um...plot purposes I guess?" Seto replied.   
  
Kitsune Baka appears wearing an orange bathrobe over a lime and maroon school-girl outfit like Kagome(A/N: Guess what? Inu-Yasha we own. YKB: No we don't but all I have to say is all hail Shippo!)  
  
"Yo, you. First of all put more effort into your job. I could put you in a coupling with Pegasus. Or... worse..."  
  
"What's worse than that?" Seto inquire.  
  
"Worst of all... Tea..."   
  
"I'll do anything. Please, not that."  
  
Suddenly, everyone hears a loud crash. We run outside to find Tea...pieces of Tea strewn about the street.   
  
"She's dead?" Kitsune Baka asked quietly.   
  
"Oh, no," Yami Kitsune Baka said appearing.   
  
"What?" Yugi, Seto, and I asked.   
  
"We wanted to have a long, drawn-out death scene but this works."   
  
"Well, anyway... we'll leave you to sort out your little love shape."  
  
The two authoresses disappeared.   
  
"Okay.........." I said. "Seto, all I have to say is no. Yugi, I'm helpin' you get Yami back. First,..."  
  
Suddenly, there were noises coming from the kitchen.   
  
"Harder," Malik said.  
  
"I'm...uh...trying..." Bakura groaned.   
  
We sat dumbstruck.   
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
YKB: How'd ya like it?   
  
KB: TEA'S dead!  
  
YKB: Thank RA and dear old KHARL.  
  
KB: We'll be starting a new fic soon. Maybe we should try to finish this first.   
  
YKB: Review and tell us. Love ya all! 


	7. Jumping To Conclusions Hurts Your Legs

YKB: We're on a roll.  
  
KB: I know. We are awesome. Thanks Cherry Red Head, GraveRobbers Aman, Hioga-chan, and the new reviewer. We're not good with names. We promise to remember next time.  
  
YKB: Once again, this has yaoi, crazy love shapes, angst, humor, and importantly . . . Egyptian soap operas.  
  
I Got Hit By a Car  
  
Chapter Seven Jumping To Conclusions Hurts Your Legs  
  
Ryou's POV  
  
"Harder! C'mon!" Bakura yelled.  
  
"Should I shake it some more?" Malik cried out.  
  
"Yeah, shake it!"  
  
I am going to kill the Ishtar hikari. I stormed to the kitchen but Yugi and Seto restrained me.  
  
"Faster...uh....harder!"  
  
"Here it comes!"  
  
Fizz! Soda sprayed out of the kitchen doorway and I was now drenched in orange Sunkist. So were Seto and Yugi. Malik and Bakura looked at us from the doorway. Malik stared at the empty bottle for a second and hid it behind his back.  
  
"Malik...Ishtar...I...am...going...to...kill...you!" I screamed.  
  
Bakura POV  
  
Ryou's face went somewhat red and he bared his teeth. Ooh, scary. And kinda cute. But...am I gay? I'm not sure. I've never really had a thing for girls. Then again there are four girls in the American version of Yu-Gi-Oh! And they're enough to make any guy go gay.  
  
But I liked Mai. She was cool, somewhat evil. And she was pretty. So what does that make me? Half gay, half straight? Dual-sexual-attraction.  
  
//Ryou, what's it called when Malik has a crush on both Mai and me? And his yami? And you? And pretty much any person who looks nice?//  
  
\\ Overactive hormones. And since it's Malik, dead.\\  
  
I blinked. Ryou was strangling Malik.  
  
To save Malik or not to save Malik. That's a no-brainer.  
  
"Hey, Ry-chan. Think about how nice it'll be in jail once they find Malik dead.  
  
Thump! Malik lay choking on the ground.  
  
"Thanks, Kura-chan!" he said, attaching himself to my leg.  
  
"Get off me! I don't like you! I'm not even sure I'm gay! Ah, why me? If I went out with a guy it would be my own hikari!"  
  
"Really?" Ryou asked, his eyes shiny-sparkly.  
  
"Yes, this is a yaoi fic, correct?"  
  
Ryou POV  
  
I am so glad I was strong and fought my suicidal urges. My eyes were all sparkly-shiny, I could tell because Bakura's eyes reflected them.  
  
Seto POV  
  
Sparkly-shiny? I take it Ryou has a thing for Bakura. Maybe if I helped them together, Ryou would help me get together with Yami.  
  
Yugi POV  
  
Okay, now I miss Yami. DIE TRISTAN! Uh, oh, homicidal urges.  
  
Ryou POV  
  
Perfect.  
  
Bakura POV  
  
Okay, the eyes are starting to freak me out.  
  
Seto POV  
  
Just a little nudge in the right direction, I thought pushing Ryou into Bakura.  
  
Ryou POV  
  
All of a sudden, I was falling to my yami. Catch me, oh yay!  
  
Bakura POV  
  
Is he literally lunging into me?  
  
Joey POV  
  
I'll just sneak into Ryou's house and surprise him. Hey, is Ryou falling into Bakura? Who cares, there's a Seto staring opportunity!  
  
Seto POV  
  
Yami, here I come!  
  
Yugi POV  
  
Maybe I'll use arsenic...  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
YKB: On that happy note...  
  
KB: We are unhappy to announce Chapter ten of Price of Pride has changed itself into a shortcut so I can't access it. Sorry, but I'll see if I can upload it anyway.  
  
YKB: Apparently we can't because the target is screwed up. Okay, Millennium Items I'd like to see them fix a computer. 


	8. One Couple Together

YKB: This is the most fun and easiest to update so let's hit it.  
  
KB: Yeah, and it's really an easy thing to cheer me up.  
  
YKB: She's on probation for two weeks because she touched her sister's wrist as she went for the mouse on the stinking' computer and she tried to scare her as well.  
  
KB: She deserves it.  
  
Disclaimer: Fans write Fan fiction. I don't own Sunkist or the three- wheeled truck, but I really like it.  
  
YKB: IMPORTANT! We mentioned a Yugi/Mokuba couple and it will be in this chappie! Nothing harmful. They break up quickly.  
  
I Got Hit By a Car  
  
Chapter Eight One Couple Together . . .  
  
Ryou POV  
  
Uh, oh. Too much momentum. I hit Bakura, and he staggered under my weight and fell. We collapsed on the floor in a compromising position. I looked at him, now a shade of maroon.  
  
"Heh, heh, sorry." I said.  
  
"If only you were on bottom," he said wistfully.  
  
"There are other people here, Bakura!" I hissed.  
  
"Like your 'boyfriend?'" he asked, nodding his head at Joey's direction.  
  
Joey POV  
  
"Like your 'boyfriend?'" he asked, nodding his head at my direction.  
  
"About that," Ryou stuttered. "We aren't really a 'couple.' Rather, we invented it to get . . . you jealous."  
  
"Just me? Anyone of your closer friends, like Yugi, might have helped you. I think Joey has someone he likes."  
  
My face turned red, I'm positive. Speaking of positive, I'm hungry.  
  
"Are you aware you said that aloud, mutt?" asked Seto.  
  
"Yes, I meant to come here for food. What have you got, Ryou?"  
  
No answer.  
  
"Ryou?" I decided I'd glance down. Only to see Bakura had flipped Ryou over so he was on top and was busy making use of the mouth that was supposed to be informing me where I could get food.  
  
The doorbell rang.  
  
Bakura POV  
  
Doorbell? Has our house become a motel or better yet a bar? I'm busy making out with Ryou and nobody's answering the door. Oh well.  
  
Yugi POV  
  
Maybe it's Yami! Yeah, and that TRISTAN, which sounds conveniently like TRAITOR which he is!  
  
"I'll get it!" I said, running to the door.  
  
It was just Mokuba. Wait, we can see eye level. Hm, maybe I can use this to my advantage.  
  
"Mokuba, will you go out with me?" I asked, with my big violet eyes. (A/N: Seriously, his eyes are the size of headlights!)  
  
"Yeah, sure. Let me tell Seto." He said running off.  
  
Heh, heh. Yami left me, and now I'm with Mokuba. Take that BACKSTABBER! I BET YOU WEREN'T EVEN A GOOD PHAROAH!  
  
"Um, Yugi? You're starting to scare me." Mokuba informed me as he came back.  
  
We want to a small café and ordered ice cream.  
  
"It's on me, Mokuba!" I offered generously, knowing I could put it on Yami's tab! Oh, yes, I am evil! Ra sent me these violet headlights for a reason.  
  
"Hey, Yugi!" came a chipper voice.  
  
"HUH?" I said, jerking out of my previous train of thought.  
  
"Have you seen my big brother?" asked Serenity Wheeler.  
  
Mokuba POV  
  
"Have you seen my big brother?" asked Serenity Wheeler.  
  
Wow! She looked kinda pretty and always referred to her sibling as big brother too.  
  
"I don't think we've met formally. I'm Mokuba," I said, extending my hand.  
  
"Hi, I'm Serenity Wheeler."  
  
"Do you wanna be my girlfriend?" I asked.  
  
Yugi POV  
  
What? Is this Break Yugi's heart day?  
  
"Sure," Serenity asked. "Want to go to a movie?"  
  
"Yeah! Thanks for the ice cream Yugi!"  
  
He dashed off. My eyes went watery.  
  
"Yugi? What's wrong?" said Duke Devlin.  
  
Insert Maniacal laugh here.  
  
Ryou POV  
  
"Bakura, I ... need... air." I said, pushing myself off the kitchen floor.  
  
Bakura POV  
  
"Air is so overrated." I said.  
  
I got off him reluctantly. Mostly because the CEO was giving me a funny look. The blonde was staring at said CEO's behind.  
  
"So, Joey has a crush on you?" I presumed.  
  
Ryou gasped. Joey went red and ran away. The stoic CEO stayed . . . stoic.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED . . .  
  
YKB: We had Yugi/Mokuba for a few minutes anyway. But we figured it would be funny if he lost Mokuba to a twit like Serenity.  
  
KB: We loathe Tea, hate Serenity, dislike Ishizu, and adore Mai. If I had to be a spoiled duelist in scanty clothing, I'd wanna be Mai.  
  
YKB: Mai's the only spoiled duelist in scanty clothing.  
  
KB: I love her car and the way she drives! It's funny.  
  
YKB: You worry me sometimes. 


	9. Fancy Meeting YOU Here

Random Kitsune Goddess formerly known as 'Kitsune Baka' is back! This is the next chapter of 'I Got Hit By a Car.'  
  
Pairings of this Chapter are:  
  
Duke/Yugi  
  
Yami/Tristan  
  
Disclaimer: Take a wild guess...  
  
Chapter Nine Fancy Meeting YOU Here  
  
Yugi POV  
  
I miss Yami. But surely Yami will be jealous of Duke! Mwuhahahaha! And you all thought I was soooooooooooo innocent. But ha! I am able to be bad. I mean check out the leather.  
  
"Got enough?" I hear Marik yell. He throws a tomato.  
  
"When did Domino become a set?" asks Duke.  
  
"Oh, but it isn't." I pretend. I grab his hand. Of course, I have to jump to reach it but nevertheless we are holding hands.  
  
"Uh... yeah," Duke sighs. "Um, shouldn't this be a Ryou/Bakura fic?"  
  
"Well, it is," Random Kitsune Goddess explains, "but we couldn't help but yaoi it up a bit? Ne?"  
  
"Yaoi it up a bit?" everyone suddenly appears to ask.  
  
"Point taken," sighs the goddess, eye twitching.  
  
"Uh.... Yeah.... So what do you wanna do?" asks Duke, sweat dropping.  
  
I spot from nowhere Yami and Tristan heading into a conveniently placed restaurant.  
  
"There," I said pointing.  
  
How could Tristan! DIE YOU BRAINDEAD MONKEY!  
  
Duke POV  
  
Hey, there's Yami and Tristan. Are they, like, together? I'm gonna have to kill Yami.  
  
"Yugi?" I asked.  
  
I finally have figured that Yugi just wants to use me to get back at Tristan, uh... Yami.  
  
"Yes, Dukey?"  
  
Dukey? Gag! Maybe I should wait till we're inside. Then, I can explode. And Tristan will be able to comfort me! And then he could walk me home... and let's keep this PG-13 now.  
  
"It can wait!" he answers dreamily.  
  
Tristan POV  
  
"Yami, remind me again why we're a couple?"  
  
"I said so!" Random Kitsune Goddess says, sweeping down on a light aquamarine cloud. "Now get ready for your big scene/cliffhanger!"  
  
"Uh, okey," we answer.  
  
We conveniently look up to see a conveniently placed Red Lobster, looking rather conveniently wedged between a tattoo parlor and a liquor store (who's idea was that?), and we were conveniently right on the convenient looking doorstep and conveniently were right in front of guess who? Three guesses the first two aren't necessary.  
  
Imagine that, it's Yugi and Duke. A very sexy Duke if I do say so myself. Yes, I'm gay. The hair's a dead giveaway.  
  
Yami POV  
  
At the rate I'm going, by the end of the fic, I'll have been with every once. Except Tea. But no one's cruel enough to actually pair up Tea and me. Right?  
  
I look at the store. The sign is so hard to read. I can't read English well yet. The first letter is 'R'. That makes the growl noise. RRRRRRRRRRRR.  
  
The second letter is 'e'. Like in cat! Ra... Hey it's Ra! Oh, wait, there's another letter.  
  
"Yami?" Tristan asks.  
  
"D! Like in died! I died!" I shout.  
  
"I don't like sea food." He informs me.  
  
I look at the sign again. R A D. There's no c.  
  
"Relax, it's only Rad food!" I tell him.  
  
He looks at me funny. Maybe he skipped his medication.  
  
"Let's go in; Duke and Yugi are waiting for their big entrance."  
  
"Um... maybe we should just skip the Rad food and break up. If they're so close..."  
  
"Good idea. Cut out the metaphorical middle man!" Tristan says.  
  
Ra hates me, don't he? What the afterlife is Meteorical? And there are no men in the middle of us.  
  
"Stop trying to think Yami!" Tristan says.  
  
"Right. So... uh... let's see. Um... how about a slip of your name? Call you Yugi or something?"  
  
"Nah, too cliché," Duke says.  
  
"I rather like it." Yugi announces.  
  
"Okay, let's try that. Walk slowly from a hundred yards away." Tristan says. "That should give us enough time."  
  
"I dunno," I say. "I'm more of a long drawn out break up person. When I broke up with..."  
  
Yugi and Duke weren't that far away.  
  
"Um... why don't you just hide behind hydrant or something." Tristan suggests.  
  
*~*~*~&~*~*~*~*  
  
Back with Bakura and Ryou...  
  
Seto POV  
  
It's been what? An hour and a half since they left. I check the clock for precision. After all, I am the, emphasis on the, Seto Kaiba. CEO of the multi-billion company. Hold your applause, please.  
  
Ryou and Bakura are still in the kitchen. Making out. On the floor. Sad, isn't it?  
  
Neither the pup nor I have anything to do, well I did have stuff to do, like run a company, wonder where my brother is, look in the mirror tell myself just how cool I am, and other stuff.  
  
Joey is fiddling around with the stereo, trying to find a good station. All he can find is sports and junk. You think even HE could turn it to FM. But noooooooooo!  
  
"And today, the Red Sox lost. *Who saw that coming?" asked the sarcastic announcer.  
  
"Hey, what if I switched it to FM?" Joey asked.  
  
I could have smacked myself but I rock. Duh. And smacking myself would ruin my reputation... forever.  
  
I take out my PomPilot. Conveniently, I have one. I look up what I should be doing right now.  
  
"Three thirty P.M. Seto Kaiba should be at a meeting with the staff of Industrial Illusions really trying to figure out the way to make trench coats even cooler than the ones he already wears." Says the voice in the computer.  
  
"Wow," Joey says. He then flips a switch and a very... 'toxic'... song comes on.  
  
Joey smirks in a predatory way and looms over me and tugs away my PomPilot.  
  
I'd pout but... I rock. Duh.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
RKG: Oh, yeah. Had fun on that chapter. I bet you can't guess the song.  
  
Seto: Gee, I wonder.  
  
Marik: Hey, I'm the only one special enough to be in the author's notes.  
  
Seto: But... I rock. Duh.  
  
Marik: Gosh, I couldn't tell.... I rock more than you do.  
  
Seto: But I'm the good guy who's not so nice.  
  
RKG: Uh... I know. Review and we'll give out the I Rock Most. Duh. Award. Next Time on Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
YRKG: What drugs are you on? And why aren't you sharing? 


	10. Why I hate Britney Spears

RKG: The long-awaited last chapter of 'I Got Hit By a Car.'  
  
YKG: NOTE: THIS IS THE END. WE HAVE DECIDED NOT TO WRITE ANOTHER CHAPTER SORRY FOR THE CONFUSION.  
  
Warnings: All the usual, yaoi, schizophrenia, insanity, _very slight_ mentions of drug use in a joking manner NOT SERIOUS, and a convenient Red Lobster.  
  
Disclaimer: **_FAN_**FICTION.net  
  
I Got Hit By a Car  
  
Chapter Ten (Final Chapter) Why I hate Britney Spears  
  
Seto POV  
  
Joey leaned over me and was leaning for my lips while sitting on my lap. Now, had this been the proper setting I might enjoy it. But. . .  
  
"I hate Britney Spears," I said.  
  
"That's all you have to say? It's not fair! How come everyone else gets a bishie on a silver platter and I'm practically doing a lap dance! Why is life so cruel?"  
  
"It's not as cruel as I'll be if you don't shut off the stupid song." I ordered.  
  
"This song always makes me think of you."  
  
"Metaphors later. Turn off the rad— " I started.  
  
"Good Ra! Not Britney Spears!" came Bakura's voice in the kitchen. He rushed in, no shirt and his pants looking ruffled, dashed over to the stereo and put it on a different song. "Ah, Kenny G!"  
  
"You listen to Kenny G?" Joey and I asked together.  
  
"If that leaves this house, you are both dead. And I'll expose what you did." Bakura threatened ominously.  
  
"We. . . haven't done anything yet." Joey stated.  
  
"Pervert," I muttered.  
  
"That can't be proven." Bakura smiled, twistedly.  
  
"Bakura, get your good-for-nothing butt in here before I drag it in here!" Ryou yelled.  
  
"Have fun on bottom!" Joey remarked.  
  
The tomb robber flipped him off.  
  
Joey POV  
  
"You wish," I replied to his finger.  
  
"Maybe I do wish," he said, seductively placing a finger under Joey's chin.  
  
"Unless you're perverted thoughts include me," Seto said, "stop thinking them."  
  
"Oh, you're all for a threesome, then?" I said.  
  
Now, I would mind if he was with someone else; however, if it was someone else and me, I'd like that. A little bit of strawberries, chocolate, cream, Seto and a little ima—um, was I doing something?  
  
"As a matter of fact, I do have a sense of adventure," Seto replied.  
  
Suddenly, Bakura yelped. And Ryou was standing behind him, with a creepy, out-of-place sort of smirk.  
  
"That's my $$!" Bakura cried.  
  
"And it should have been in the kitchen with me." Ryou said, giving a cute pout.   
  
And with that, they begin making out as if the world was coming to an end.  
  
Tristan POV  
  
As Yami stormed off pretending to be upset (not doing a very good job as he was happily licking ice cream and skipping), Yugi ran past. I waited for Du—um. . . _someone_ to come and comfort me. (The script says I don't know, and I am very shocked when Duke appears.)  
  
"Uh, Duke? You missed your cue," I called to where he was hidden in a bush.  
  
"It's got my hair! My precious hair! I'm—I'm hyperventilating!" Duke gasped.  
  
I quickly ran to the bush and saved his precious hair. I pulled him to his feet as the background went pastel pinks and yellows with blue bubbles and yellow stars. We gazed into each other's eyes . . . .  
  
"My hero!" Duke said, feigning a girly voice (he pulled it off well, too!)  
  
"Any time," I whispered.  
  
Our lips were inches when . . . .  
  
"Hey, what is the backdrop doing here?" came Serenity's voice.  
  
"Here, I'll carry you around it," came Mokuba's voice. Suddenly, Mokuba rounded the backdrop with Serenity in his arms bridal style.  
  
Duke POV  
  
Not fair! Not fair! Not fair! I seized Tristan by the ears and kissed him.  
  
"Oh, my gosh," Serenity faked surprise. "The two adolescents blatantly attacking each other on a quest for my heart and all it's endowments have become enamored with one another. Hey, who wrote this? I mean, I'm in Mokuba's arms and I feel bad?"  
  
I flipped her off.  
  
"That's what Mokuba's for," Serenity replied.  
  
"I am?" Mokuba cried. "I'm too young!"   
  
"Um. . . yeah," Serenity replied.  
  
"Do You mind?" the authoress appears in pajama pants with cats on them and a tee shirt with three spiders and the word: Eek! "This backdrop has been borrowed at an hourly rate of . . . I don't know; I'm stealing the money from Seto anyways. But come on, let's let Duke and Tristan have a little fun."  
  
"Sorry," the couple says and walks away.  
  
The authoress just disappears.  
  
"Where were we?" Tristan asks.  
  
"Here," I said, and our lips locked once more.  
  
Yami POV  
  
For the second break up in a row, I felt like skipping and eating ice cream. So, I stopped by a convenient Hagen-Daaz (spelling?). Though, not half as convenient as the Red Lobster.  
  
I took a second to check my script.  
  
Script  
  
Yami: [Begins to sob hysterically] Why did I ever leave Yugi?  
  
Yugi: I'd like to know that myself . . .[Crying as well]  
  
Yami: [Stops momentarily] I am so sorry. It's my fault; can you ever forgive me?  
  
Yugi: Of course, I love you. I could never let you go.  
  
[Kiss Passionately.]  
  
Unscripted . . .  
  
"What is the authoress on?" I ask.  
  
"Yami, this is our romantic scene and you think about drugs?" Yugi cries out.  
  
"Look at this," I show Yugi the script.  
  
"Pot, marijuana, both," Yugi suggests.  
  
"Since we know what's coming, shall we just kiss?" I offer.  
  
"Yes." Yugi said.  
  
And then. . . we kissed. And then heard. . . "Wherever we go," from a voice tha sounded suspiciously like Serenity.  
  
THE END.  
  
IMPORTANT NOTE: This chapter is the last. The end. Finished. Adieu, to my second completed fic. 


End file.
